Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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