just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
