dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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