We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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