1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
