Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
