Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
