So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
