Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
