There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
