I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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