It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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