i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
