Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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