I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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