Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
