who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so let's talk penis.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
