I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
