Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
