I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
