he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
