At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
