the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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