I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
