my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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