"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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