I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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