We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
