At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
