I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
