Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
