I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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