After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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