Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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