My first STD was from a foam party
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
