Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
