Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
