Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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