dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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