I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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