Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
