I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
