Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
