I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
