i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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