I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
