i think my mom watched the whole time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
