It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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