omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
