Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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