you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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